The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great as well).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful feelings of destination, excitement, well-being, closeness, and love .
When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
However, North includes, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is content necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!